Seven Deadly Sins

Seven Deadly Sins Mnemonic.

I'm very slow to Anger,
Don't Envy what you gain.
I'm not into Gluttony.
I'm not really Vain.

Steeped in Lust and Avarice,
Yes, I could be both,
But of all the deadly sins,
My favourite sin is Sloth.

*

Seven Dwarfs Mnemonic.

I was tired and Sneezy,
So I went to the Doc,
But I felt quite Bashful,
Because he wore a frock.

He was very Grumpy,
Not Happy in the least.
I'm Sleepy and I'm Dopey,
And he's the local priest.

*

Life Is a Joke

I have some wisdom
To pass to you folk.
I have now learned
That life is a joke.

I look at the hatred,
The violence and waste.
Like is a joke
In very poor taste.

*

Deathbed reflections on the Seven Deadly Sins.
(The "anger" verse is about a hypothetical individual and does not reflect my own political views.)

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
I wasn't too bad,
Apart from the lust.

So comes an end
To personal growth,
Which I never liked,
Because of the sloth.

A chance to make money
I'd never miss,
So I will admit
To some avarice.

Bring me some chips,
A nice piece of mutton.
I wasn't too bad,
But I was a glutton.

I was a Tory,
A flogger and hanger,
And so I lived
With near-constant anger.

My genius ends
Along with my pain.
I was so clever,
I had to be vain.

The final sin of envy,
A mountain I can't climb.
I can't be very clever,
'Cos I can't find a rhyme.
(But I bet you can, smartass.)

*

Imaginary Friend. (A Folk Song)

I really love my imaginary friend.
Because of him my life will never end.
Please don’t be thinkin’ that I’ve gone round the bend.
He’s real to me, my good old imaginary friend.

I’m not alone in this, my deep belief.
There’s billions of us, who know more joy than grief,
With special places from Adelaide to Crieff.
We take you in, whether you’re a king or thief.

Don’t you deny him and cause my heart to break.
Don’t you deny him, no, no for goodness sake.
We’ll argue with you, and give you tea and cake.
Not like the old days when we’d burn you at the stake.

I really love my Imaginary Friend.
Because of Him my life will never end.
Please don’t be thinkin’ that I’ve gone round the bend.
He’s real to me, my good old Imaginary Friend.

*

Whistling Builders.

I heard several whistles,
From a building site,
From a web of scaffolding,
Up and to my right.

I looked around and saw a girl,
Twenties or late teens,
Looking quite embarrassed,
In halter top and jeans.

The builder's men had no excuse,
So I let out a roar,
"Have you guys never ever seen
A handsome man before?"

They must have thought my shouting
Offensive and effete.
They climbed down from the building
And chased me down the street.

And even though I had to run,
I'm feeling really great,
For as I pelted past her,
The woman said, "Thanks, mate".