Horizon

Horizon.

Don't let me watch Horizon;
It isn't very nice
To hear that due to solar change,
The world will soon be ice.

Don't let me watch Horizon;
The glaciers are retreating,
And all the crops are going to fail;
The world is overheating.

Don't let me watch Horizon;
There's rocks above my head,
And if they ever hit the Earth,
I will be very dead.

Don't let me watch Horizon;
An island's due to break.
Then being at the seaside
Will be a huge mistake.

Don't let me watch Horizon;
Volcanoes which are still,
Will explode with lots of dust
And make us dead or ill.

Don't let me watch Horizon;
Diseases can now spread,
And they will never be contained,
'Til most of us are dead.

Don't let me watch Horizon;
They've come to the conclusion
That our whole world is just not real,
And that we're an illusion.

Don't let me watch Horizon,
But let me watch a soap,
And quizzes and a cooking show,
But leave me with some hope.

**

Burns and McGonagall

Drink a toast to Robert Burns,
A genius of great skill.
Those with greater talent?
Approximately nil.

Drink to William McGonagall,
A poet and a Scot,
Who thought he was a genius,
But probably was not.

**

Death and the Heckler.

A comic stood alone upon the stage.
The audience was full of silent rage.
Not a whisper, not a shout.
The only sound was people walking out.

In desperation he went more extreme.
His face was turning to the Silent Scream.
The audince had come and spent good money
And the little scoundrel was not funny.

The routine felt like it was War and Peace.
The curtain's fall was merciful release.
The comic was just heading for the door
When he heard a voice not heard before.

"You know that what you did here was all wrong,
"But think of Nietzsche; this will make you strong."
And just to make the comic feel much dafter,
There was applause and even hearty laughter.

The heckler had a hundred things to say,
So many things upon that fateful day.
The curtain rose and dancers leapt about,
And lively music drowned the heckler out.

**

Neanderthal Superiority.

Neanderthals are all deceased.
They’re pushing up the flowers,
Even though their brain size
Was much bigger than ours.

Survival of a species
Is really rather fragile.
We have kept on living
Because we were more agile.

The brightest humans are all dead
And we are somewhat less.
No wonder that we tend to make
Such an awful mess.

**

Stone Age Counting.

Counting is a lot of fun,
Right hand finger counts as one.

Counting makes you feel alive,
Right hand thumb alone is five.

Counting makes you feel just fine,
Right hand fully open's nine.

Here's a bit of useful gen,
Left hand finger counts as ten.

Here's a thing that is quite nifty,
Left hand thumb alone is fifty.

Numbers start to jump and jive,
Two thumbs up is fifty-five.

Numbers died and gone to heaven,
Index fingers are eleven.

Numbers really feel divine,
Open hands are ninety-nine.

You can wear an ancient smile,
You can count in caveman style.

**

Death and the Atheist.

Death does not worry
The true atheist,
Because when we die
We will cease to exist.

Such non-existence
Should hold no fears;
We managed quite nicely
For billions of years.

**

Death and the Believer.

The fate of the holy
Is not very clever;
They fear being tortured
For ever and ever.

They fear and they hope
About when they go.
The tragedy is
That they'll never know.

**

Atheist Bishop.

The bishop is clever,
Not at all dense.
He knows "God" and "Heaven"
Do not make sense.

He stands up and preaches,
Earns a few bob.
He lies to himself,
Because it's his job.