Feathers and Prejudice

Tree Feather.

I thought that I would never see
A feather growing on a tree.
Feathers are made by birds, you see,
But only trees can make a tree.

(Parody of Joyce Kilmer)


*


I've Nothing Against Them, But...

(Provoked by hearing that phrase, and thinking, "Here we go...")

I've nothing against them, but
I'd kill the sons of bitches,
And claim that they were  witches,
And cast a spell on me.

I've nothing against them, but
They are entirely barmy;
I'd make them join the army
And send them to their deaths.

I've nothing against them, but
I'd ravish all their ladies,
And send them all to Hades,
The place where they belong.

I've nothing against them, but
Their ways are quite disgusting,
And though they might be trusting,
I'd kill them anyway.


*


Big Bang.

The Universe erupted from a single spot,
Expanded very quickly, and a lot.


*


The Balance of Positive and Negative Forces

Reality has this most peculiar twist.
Taken overall, the Universe does not exist.


*


A Beauty in her Youth

It used to be so easy,
When you were young and squeezy,
But men are now so cold,
Since you've grown fat and old.

Mostly Nothing.

I look upon your lovely face,
Your smile, your sexy stare,
But in the quantum universe,
There's mostly nothing there.

Climate Debate

Climate Debate

When I hear of Global Warming,
I simply give a shrug.
It worries me as much as
The Year 2000 Bug.

When I hear of Global Warming,
It makes me want to cry.
Horrid things will happen
And we're all going to die.

When I hear of Global Warming,
I think about the money.
I'll make it when it's windy,
And also when it's sunny.

*

Miller and Monroe

My heart beats so when I see you,
It fills me with fatigue.
But I don't really stand a chance.
You're way out of my league.

But I am quite creative.
I must have far to go.
Let's be Arthur Miller
And Marilyn Monroe.

They split up. She died too soon.
That's not the end I crave.
But if required I'll carry on,
While you lie in your grave.

A genius should be honest.
I'll be so if I must.
My motives are not love for you,
But vanity and lust.

*

Grown Up

I'm bringing back the God you lent.
He really is quite fraudulent.

Enormity

Enormity

Once we thought the Earth was all,
Among the crystal spheres,
Then we learned that stars are suns,
After many years.

We learned of far off galaxies,
And that they are not rare.
There are billions of the things
Flying round out there.

We thought we could see everything,
But that was just the start.
Dark energy and matter mean
We see a tiny part.

Using very complex maths,
Despite our best intentions,
We found out the Universe
Has lots of spare dimensions.

Now our finest thinkers,
The ones who call the shots,
Say our Universe has chums,
And there are lots and lots.

Give to a philosopher
A question that might faze her:
In the name of all that's real,
How goes Occam's Razor?

*

Final Destination

Better to travel than to arrive.
As everyone knows who draws breath,
The reason nobody wants to arrive
Is the last destination is death.

Good Luck

Good Luck

Science makes amazing progress,
Curing illness, quelling fears.
Benefitting from new knowledge,
You might live a thousand years.

When they've made the vital breakthroughs,
I will be beyond repair.
You might see the distant future.
I, alas, will not be there.

*

Where is Everybody?

The whole Universe should be crawling with life,
Eating, breeding, joyriding.
If any of them are as clever as us,
Where not on Earth are they hiding?

Well Meaning

Well Meaning

(Hell is other people - John-Paul Sartre)

Everyone's imperfect.
Other folk are Hell.
Some of us are not so bad.
Some of us mean well.

From the cast of good guys,
Many are excluded.
Well-meaners can be Hellish,
If they are deluded.

*

Saint Therese de Lisieux

Praying to relics won't bring success.
Place ye thy faith in the N.H.S.

*

Chemical Jesters 1

The wonder of life is due to just this:
It's carbon and water, taking the piss.

*

Chemical Jesters 2

The wonder of life in one paragraph:
It's carbon and water, having a laugh.

Theist Milieu

There is no God on whom to call.
There's only us; God help us all.